Princess Diana, R.I.P.

From:         kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry)
Reply-To:     duh@lookit.me.i.am.st00pid
Subject:      Re: PRINCESS DI IS DEAD
Newsgroups:   alt.fan.wednesday, alt.krunk,alt.amorc, alt.pantyhose,
              alt.religion.kibology, alt.aromatherapy
Followup-To:  alt.religion.kibology
Organization: welcome datacomp
Date:         Mon, 1 Sep 1997 09:34:44 GMT
X-Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 1015 centons, 79 microns, .04 nokia

In a few newsgroups, nickb@primenet.com (Nick S Bensema) wrote:
>
> Beverley R. White (wednsday@xochi.tezcat.com) wrote:
> >
> > I do not believe it is wholly possible for the vast majority of native-born
> > Americans to fathom the impact that Princess Diana's death is having on 
> > those of us raised with the archetypes of royalty and their necessary 
> > imprints upon our being.
> >
> > I do not believe that CNN is treating this in such a *puerile* fashion.
> 
> I don't know what puerile means.  And I haven't followed one particular
> channel for more than five minutes at a time.

That means you're a very bad person because you're not crying because a
famous person who was better than you died.  I guess now you feel better
than her because you're not dead and she is!  Well, someday you'll be dead
and then she'll be better than you again, you big stupid!

Know what really depresses me?  It's sad enough that Di was killed by those
mean photographers, but it's even sadder that the media have been covering it
24 hours a day and they completely ignored DeForest Kelley's death!

                                                        -- Nelson OTBIFF

From:         kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry)
Subject:      Re: PRINCESS DI/Ted Frank
Newsgroups:   rec.arts.sf.written.robert-jordan, rec.arts.startrek.misc,
              alt.religion.kibology, uchi.test.d, alt.crafts.professional
Followup-To:  alt.religion.kibology
Organization: welcome datacomp
Date:         Wed, 3 Sep 1997 08:21:47 GMT
X-Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 1015 centons, 79 microns, .04 nokia

In various appropriate newsgroups, asuter@Xenon.Stanford.EDU (Lupus
Yonderboy) wrote:
>
> Thus spake ntaglass@sonic.net (Jeanne Kent):
> > [...] - just not responding would be cool, too.

Kids!  Be cool!  Just say no!  Word!

> Frog. 
> If it is thrown with full of your strenght, it will spit out the tounge,
> which is like the genuine one from the frog. 
> 
> INSTRUCTIONS FOR TOUNGE OF FROG 

AND FOR FRUNGE OF TOG

[that's actually a really erudite, witty witty witty pun in medieval Finnish.
Matt McIrvin will explain it.]

> *A product has the stickness and is just like a soft rubber band with high
> contractility.  

It can to become engorged with the blood, boing!

> It can be played to stick the remote objects.

It is compliant within CORBA and can also OLE embed.

> *Inspite of it is sticky, it is never like the chewing guns which is glued
> tightly and cannot be separated. 

Instead is like Larry King and Elizabeth Taylor.

Word!

> *If the stickness is not good enough, it can be washed by soap. After it
> is dried, it cab be used continously many times. 

Actually it can be used continuously once for really long time.  Or
sporadically for many time.  Time is of your choosing, fun!

> *The packing paper has printed the bug picture, which can be cut as per
> the black frame and placed on the table; then you can stick the picture
> with your
> tounge of frog. 

Bubble, bubble, toil and trouble
tounge of frog, sticky bug bubble

and now, it's time for...

BEE IN A BALLOON!!!

ANT FARM IN A GLASS BASKETBALL!!!!

and for more funlike torture of elastic pain,

BE IN A BALLOON!!!   <-- hi Bill & Antje.

> The key point for throwing far away is the same as the throwing of fish
> rod, i.e. to throw out slowly with full of your strength. Separate it with
> two hands,
> then release one hand, throw it with full of your strength. 
>
> No matter what you make a round ball, it will recover the original shape. 

Just like Wonder Bread!
 
> CAUTIONS: 
> 
> *Never throw out the other person's head. 

(Bob Hope to Phyllis Diller) You might... need it... for... Halloween!!!
(pause for laughs, then pull rope to drop walls)
 
> *Keep away from fire. 
> 
> *Inspite of it is non-toxic, it cannot be eaten. 

However our fun other product, Hair Like Vegetable Soup, is toxic yet
can be eaten!!!

> *Never pull out tounge of frog hard, as it might be separated. 

Never put beans in ears of tounge of frog.
 
> *Its content has the oil, so if it touches on cloth, precious object or
> wall, the stains will remain if you don't care about it. 

Tounge of frog can stain eyeball of person if he look at it.
 
> *Never put on surface of any object, shall keep in polybag. 

Do not allow antimatter frog to contact your favorite atom or will boom.
 
> > Please don't perpetuate this here by responding.

Frog cannot perpetuate without paper bug in polybag, do not expose to new
round ball before eating non-toxic fire in pants!

                                -- K.

                                P.S. to a different post.
                                Because they found his head
                                and shoulders in the bushes!

From:         kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry)
Subject:      Re: PRINCESS DI/Ted Frank
Newsgroups:   alt.religion.kibology
Followup-To:  no.c, alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.bestiality.hamster.duct-tape.d, 
              alt.music.misc.why.not.duplicate.the.entire.rec.hierarchy.dammit, no.x
Date:         Sun, 7 Sep 1997 08:12:37 GMT
X-Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3619 centons, 88 microns, .02 hydrox
Organization: welcome datacomp

bonnipeg@sprynet.com wrote:
> >
> > I know I mourn the death(s).  But I'm not sure how they relate to
> > "professional" crafts (except that as artists we of course "FEEL" so much
> > more!).  But what is this spate on our newsgroup derived from Di's death? 

Michael Straight (straight@email.unc.edu) wrote:
> 
> See, anyone can set follow-ups to dev.null or whatever and get the
> supposed satisfaction of having the last word, but it takes Kibo to create
> HUMOR simply by the way he sets the follow-ups.

You know, before Usenet, people dying were NEVER funny.

However, because of Usenet, people slipping on banana peels are no longer
funny.  They could suffer a sprain or bruise.  It would be pretty pathetic
to laugh at someone just because he had a bruise.

But someone dying, that's funny.

> SMTIRCAHIAGEHLT

I've been trying to figure this out for years, and I think I've got it:

Straight Meant To Irritate Randy Cossacks And His Internet Activity Generally
Excites Hunchbacked Little Trolls.

By the way, as an artist AND a scientist I "FEEL" so much MORE than YOU...
and I'm capable of blocking it out completely too.

That way, it never interferes with my enjoyment of Usenet.

                                                -- K.
                                                followups set to
                                                steve.oedekerk.com
                                                to make them not funny

From:         kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry)
Subject:      Re: PRINCESS DI/Ted Frank
Newsgroups:   alt.religion.kibology, alt.krunk
Organization: welcome datacomp
Date:         Mon, 8 Sep 1997 07:15:40 GMT
X-Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3619 centons, 88 microns, .02 hydrox

nickb@primenet.com (Nick S Bensema) wrote:
>
> James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote:
> > 
> > I've been trying to figure this ["SMTIRCAHIAGEHLT"] out for years, and I 
> > think I've got it:
> >
> > Straight Meant To Irritate Randy Cossacks And His Internet Activity
> > Generally Excites Hunchbacked Little Trolls.
> 
> I bet nobody knows what that acronym means either, they just put it there
> to make themselves feel SPESHUL by confusing everyone else, which is the
> only way these poor folk know how to feel SPESHUL.

Several Monkeys Typing In Random Chatter Are Helping Instill A General
Excitement Here.  Let's Trickle!

> One of the main functions of slang is to exclude Everyone Else.

KQQL, DQQD !!!!!1    PQQQQQZ !!!!!1

NQQD HQQP QQQQQQQQG QQTQQFLQQRQQSCQQNCQQ QQ NQQDQQBRQQNCH BRQQN !!!!!1

                                -- K.

                                SO MANY Q'S IT IS ALL OVER YOU SCRQQN !1111111!

From:         kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry)
Subject:      Re: PRINCESS DI/Ted Frank
Newsgroups:   alt.religion.kibology, alt.krunk, alt.mega-ego.yonderboy
Organization: welcome datacomp
Date:         Mon, 8 Sep 1997 07:24:49 GMT
X-Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3619 centons, 88 microns, .02 hydrox

asuter@Xenon.Stanford.EDU (Lupus Yonderboy) wrote:
>
> Thus spake nickb@primenet.com (Nick S Bensema):
> >
> > One of the main functions of slang is to exclude Everyone Else.

Okay, Nick, because of slang, you can't come to my party.

Sorry, but I don't make the rules.

> People are so terrified of being considered part of Everyone
> Else. I wonder why.

From the Rankin-Bass "SLANG IS BAD" special

Just cut back a little
on the wonder why
Bite your lip and
give your heart a try

Cut out your heart
just say no to rational thought
Poke your eyes out
with the spout of a china teapot

Never ever read a book
Be a dunce, be a stupe
Kill your brain with alchohol
Be a silly doofus or a dupe

P.S.  THE RHYTHM IS JUST FINE WHEN *I* SING IT!!!!

>                         Sincerely,
>                         Everyone Else
>                         Age 8 sideways.

And the left half of you is inside out which makes it easier to shoot the
deadly Flippers as they try to hop on you!  I sure hope I get up to the
levels with the invisible Pulsars that can teleport and you die if you
press the fire button.
And every Tanker contains 500,000 Fuseballs, each of which is fifty-eight
feet across and can kill you instantly, I mean for real, not in the silly
make-believe game.  And there are Death Knights from Quake there too.
Jeff Minter rules!

                                        -- K.
                                        And according to the OED, I *am* slang.